Two things have kept my brain busy for months on end now. One, the awe-inspiring way God can bring something beautiful out of pain – especially when we are willing to be vulnerable about pain, and secondly, the many ways we can create a space for someone to meet Jesus.
I’m finding that usually these two things go hand in hand.
The Danger of Pretending – AKA Toxic Positivity
I grew up in a pastor’s home. My life was a fishbowl. And one of the first things I remember about my growing awareness of what it meant to be in a ministry family, was the firm conviction that we could never be real about anything that could be taken as a negative.
Don’t let anyone know if you’re having a bad day.
Wipe that frown off your face.
Your anger is showing.
We don’t talk that way. Look that way. Act that way. Think that way.
Put aside the discussion; we’re about to walk into church.
We’re not unhappy about this horrible situation – we know God will turn it into something good.
We’re not angry about being mistreated – we’re privileged to get to serve and suffer.
We don’t HAVE to go to church – we GET to go to church.
Learning to Be Real
It took me a good 30+ years to realize just how damaging some of these things were for me. And I decided I was done with the nonsense.
I learned that you can be unhappy about a situation, AND grateful for something at the same time. I learned that you can be angry AND privileged. You can feel unwell and choose not to go to church AND recognize that some people don’t have the opportunity to attend church at all.
If someone couldn’t love me exactly as I was – even on a bad day, or when I felt angry, or when I was sad, or when my house was messy with kids’ toys covering the floor (and what WAS the sticky thing I just stepped in??) then I didn’t have any brain space left to even TRY to be friends with them. I just didn’t have what it took to pretend I had it all together. And I was done trying.
I started being real about grief AND grace. About fear AND hope. About pain AND healing. And some people couldn’t handle my newfound honesty about the messy things in life, and they tried to enlighten me about how wonderful my life was and how I shouldn’t be so quick to say it was a rough day with the kids, or about how much physical pain I was in, or about how fearful I was, or about how much anxiety I was dealing with because of PTSD. Didn’t I know that God was good? Had I lost my faith? My parents must be so disappointed in how negative I was now. Etc, etc.
The funny thing was, the more I was honest about my struggles with grief, and pain, and PTSD, and fear, and anxiety… the more I found people opening up to me about their own grief, and pain, and PTSD, and fear, and anxiety. And we’d cry together. And then we’d dry our tears. And we’d take another step forward toward the light.
Becoming a Safe Place
One day it finally clicked. When I became real (Velveteen Rabbit, anyone??) I became a safe place for people to share their own hurt. And in the process, God gave me an opportunity to point to Him. IN THE MIDDLE OF MY OWN PAIN. Not when I was well. Not when I was healed. Not when I wasn’t anxious anymore. Not when I trusted Him perfectly. But in the middle of my own mess.
I was a safe place for them to share their struggles, BECAUSE I was struggling too. I was approachable. I was honest. I was unlikely to judge them harshly.
And then I saw the beauty. I saw the way God was turning my pain into something beautiful.
I was making space for someone to meet Jesus.
Meet People Where They Are
Over a series of months (years??) I realized just how hard we sometimes make it for hurting people to meet Jesus. We have unrealistic expectations for how people should look, act, think, feel, and when they don’t meet those expectations we alienate them.
I decided I wanted to start meeting people right where they were, and quit expecting anything from them. And if they weren’t comfortable coming to church, I’d go to them. And if I didn’t have a way to meet new people, I would create one.
Making Space for Someone to Meet Jesus in My Home
One of the first things I tried was something I called “Scones and Tea – Or Not”. It was a meetup for moms with littles. I was personally so so weary of being told I couldn’t bring my kids to certain events – because I had no reliable childcare, so that meant I couldn’t go. And I was also weary of being told what to bring to events – because depending on the day, I may or may not be able to bring anything at all. I might be doing good just to show up at all.
Be the change that you wish to see in the world
– Unknown
So my idea was a moms meetup with zero expectations of anyone – including myself. I would make scones if I could. And if I couldn’t, it was perfectly alright. We’d still have fun chatting. It was a smashing success. The kids got to play. The moms got to chat. And authentic conversations happened. I was making space for someone to meet Jesus. Some of those moms have moved away since then, but we’re still in contact, and still having conversations about things that matter.
Making Space for Someone to Meet Jesus in My Community
Fast forward a few years. My business skills had grown, and I realized I had the knowledge needed to pull off a large community event. So I coordinated a Summer Festival in our church parking lot. Hundreds of people came. The next year I did it again, only this time we had to use the side street as well as the parking lot – for vendor booths, games and activities for kids, bounce houses, foam zone, food vendors, etc. Authentic community connections happened.
Not only did small business owners feel supported, but friendships happened. Real conversations took place in the dining areas, in folding chairs under a vinyl canopy. I was making space for someone to meet Jesus.
Last Sunday I had more than one person in worship service with me that had attended that very first Summer Festival.
All because I made space for someone to meet Jesus.