It’s only too easy as a mom to neglect your own needs while caring for everyone else. But you can’t pour from an empty cup. And I’ve learned some hard lessons in the last decade about how important it is to take care of myself. For too long I ignored my own needs in favor of trying to (perfectly) meet all the demands I’m surrounded by, and then paid the price with my own physical and mental health.
Discovering a Lack of Boundaries
At some point I woke up to my own lack of healthy boundaries, realized no one was going to take care of me except me, and I set out on a mission to pursue self care. (One of the catalysts for this change was the book Introverted Mom by Jamie C Martin.)
Meeting My Own Needs
My first goal was to remind myself of things I used to enjoy pre-kids, but I quickly realized that many of those things weren’t going to be realistic for this season of life, and I would either need to evolve those interests and hobbies or find new ones altogether. Then I created a page in the back of my planner with things that were realistic in this season. Here’s what I found, and how I made the necessary modifications:
- Time with Jesus and my Bible (Two hours of uninterrupted quiet time is ludicrous, but even five minutes is better than none.)
- Creative sewing (Not a sewing project that feels forced because of someone’s need.)
- Read a book (A solitary chapter in the evening after the kids are in bed still feeds my mind, while yearning to read the entire book at one sitting only causes resentment.)
- Play the piano (Set a timer, tell the kids to not interrupt mommy until the timer rings -unless there is fire, flood, or blood.)
- Go for a walk (More vitamin D and physical exercise will help in a lot of ways at once.)
- Fireplace (A fireplace on YouTube, if that’s my only option.)
- Music – audio or video (Attending a concert or symphony isn’t realistic, so bring the music home.)
- Listen to running water (A long walk by the river most likely won’t work, but a small fountain on the patio just might. Or even a rain app on my phone/tablet.)
- Couple time (A strong and healthy marriage depends on it, and date nights at home can be fun.)
- Drink tea (HOT. It won’t kill the kids to wait for ten minutes.)
- Write a letter (Friendships go both ways, and I miss them. They should know that.)
- Eat chocolate (Dark chocolate. And lots of it. Without sharing.)
- Coffee with a friend (Drag the kids along, and let them watch a show on their Kindles.)
- Alone time (Any rare moment that presents itself for getting out of the house BY MYSELF.)
- Journaling (It doesn’t have to follow anyone’s list of rules. Just write. Feelings. Thoughts. Prayers. Copy Scripture.)
- Nap (Any rare moment of silence.)
- Bath (After the kids are asleep. With candles. And bubbles.)
- Lotion (Silly to include this one? Nope. Because it makes me feel almost human again.)
- Knitting (Learn a new skill. Feed my creative self.)
- Stretching/yoga (Tight muscles lead to more tight muscles.)
- Planner creativity (Washi tape and stickers are a happy place.)
- Make a homemade card (Just one. Not a whole scrapbook. Nobody has time for that.)
Happy & Peaceful Homes
The things that feed me as a person, that relax my body, and calm my mind are not necessarily the same things that will renew you, my friend. But you can’t pour from an empty cup. And I hope that my list will inspire you to make your own, so you can continue to pour into your family from your own overflow. Because refueled moms are happier and more peaceful moms. And happy and peaceful moms are more likely to have happy and peaceful homes. Okay, maybe that last bit is too much to ask. Maybe we should say that happy and peaceful moms are more likely to deal with the chaos in a gracious and effective way. ;)